Y O U R N A M EI N L IGHT S
“Are you a dilettante, or a pedant?”
"Well!
Seein’s I don’t very well fuck little boys,
I’m to suppose I’m a dilitant!”
The accent coach sighed. It's a job. They all are.
“There is some Man, bellowing, in the distance.”
“Has he got a gun?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then who cares? What’s he going to do? Improve us?”
“What if he needs help?”
“Don’t we all?”
“What if it’s an emergency?”
“Are you feeling particularly emergent?”
The only pause.
“Have you even the energy?”
singled doubles kingqueans
living fuckless common-rooved
punchinello cosmicjoke
lydian lunch
putrid, headless
i n t e r r e g n um
versicule, victual —
prints des sots s s s s sotsssssssSotsasS . . . . . . (etc.) (as if to suggest a fizz)
at risk of influence!
misdeed easement
urlitonnade, urlitonnage,
it’s a mix-tape, it’s a disease,
it’s everywhere
it’s NOW now now now
NOW now now now
NOW NOW NOW now now
laser-zapatazo contra G***** *. **$*
la-ba-no-ta-ted! beat down!
kicked to death by a screeching figure in a leotard
& capezios
it’s the rehearsal —
you’re the one that did it,
who did it
that did it
whodini, houdini
oh, henry
and the moan goans oan
mundus Ꝩult decipi ❍❍◐◓◑◒❍❍
Chapter Six of a Non-Existent Book
For Which the Blanks Are Easily Fill’d
(In the Manner of a Film Set)
Screen-hunched and powerless in a late California backyard.
Table slats long and horizontal.
Autumn rustle in dry leaves.
Kindling as yet leashed.
Energy, energy.
The buzz of materiality:
Feels (is—is?) as though the sirens haven’t stopped for years —
Maybe (may-be) they haven’t.
What’s the knowability of anything? (Maaaaaaaan.) The distance between feeling and being?
ALL-being, that is.
Which texture’s truly the feel of the real, brahman beyond autodemiurgent individuated worldbuildings?
Your well-tan is schwang and sweetheart it is schmerzing like hell’s own wine.
There are always new intrusions to accept — “accept” — to be made to accept.
Helicopters and sirens.
A priori leechgeist intrusions, in-born, conditioning you to humiliation in advance of new and lower violation.
Fraudulent selflessness, retinal vicary.
In the distance some new unlovability is being built — to the highest quality, surely —
that distance which has a way of closing itself: mechanized hammertappings at gabber BPM,
vague ape SHOUTINGS shout-saying A L L there is really to say (“YOU,” “HERE,” I’m supposing — but! —
it is merely a supposition or perhaps a suppository, probably some “DON’T,” wish I could offer a “DON’T,” so many ways,
so many ways); and then! — and the astute reader sucks at their necklace or beard: “Ah, yes —
the disruptive and ineptly deployed punctuation is a device
mirroring these devices of destructive creation — or is it creative destruction? — Ah yes,” and
& and and That! is about where it is that the Interior Listener of that astute reader, which may well
be you or you or you (it isn’t me — unless you are me. Are you me?) or you or you or you —
the Interior Listener has simply given up gimp, the eyes have glazed, there is a submission to
intellectualizing that offers neither simple nor exotic pleasure, an empty cup-bearer traipsing clumsy,
a high performance show-business bookshelf, personality soaring higher, higher, higher.
How are you to locate yourself in any of it?
go ahead x out
‘“spellbinding” — the new york times’
an avatar realized by
herbert, read
glyph conscious
coprophasia suff’r’rs’ end
peevish dynamo dervish
clacking keys again
trichome sprinkle in unsteady hand
(deep muddy construction audio)
mind suck
back ground drill bore
chirrup of a backed - up truck
bouncing
somewhere, somewhere
somewhere someone’s
probably not getting run over
ran over
cupholder slipcover
birdsong in periodic accent
fleshly runover aperture
siren dopple
sirens sirens s i r e n s d o p p l e
D# Dee-Sharp Whoo-Whoop
spin around on the floor
Whoop-Whoop
put your hands behind your head
put your hands behind your back
get down on your knees &
W h o o p - W h o o p
crane your neck &
oops,
oops
do you remember the first time
you ever killed yourself
in a video game
the other day i met a zookeeper
she asked me if i’d like to see a bird show
i asked if that was a
metaphor
and made a joke about taking methamphetamine
in a nearby apartment of our mutual imagining
BLOWN SPOTS
theft & exposure
adding up tabs
One Hundred Fifteen In All & Sum, in Two Seventies & Without An Eighty-Eight
(sublingual sublime)
an analysis of aydee haitchdee in browsing
“I generally have four or five books open around the house—I live alone; I can do this—and they are not books on the same subject. They don’t relate to each other in any particular way, and the ideas they present bounce off one another. And I like this effect. I also listen to audio-books, and I’ll go out for my morning walk with tapes from two very different audio-books, and let those ideas bounce off each other, simmer, reproduce in some odd way, so that I come up with ideas that I might not have come up with if I had simply stuck to one book until I was done with it and then gone and picked up another.” — Octavia Butler
window 1 (which is actually window two)
not that it means a thing to you
#1:
HTML editor
old-style
cat? bear?
think it’s a cat
w/ a paintbrush
up in the corner
helping me out
overseeing—
christ
took me forever to figure out how to have two
windows up
pitiful so eroded
i coulda been somebody
an avatar
an avatar
an avatar
mel lyman maybe
five cents on the dollar
i got all zilli crocodile everything
next,
#2
x_x deadworldwideweb
here
"it’s a planet of war and of games"
this
now
#3
Unicode Character “ ” (U+2001)
#4
ALT IMG TXT
a painterly photo
or photo-like painting
a shallowfake
two long black gloves
over the elbows
an exposed breast
clavicles
partially removed white dress fades into white background
woulda done tumblr numbers
i don’t know what this is
it doesn’t appear to be from any particular time
gives the feeling of drunkenness, but:
pastoral
#5
a dean kissick article i haven’t read
and don’t know what it’s about
bosch up top
could be promising
#6
“Hope is necessary in every condition.”
boldtext
Samuel Johnson
#7
a private message
about alcoholism
that starts with “lol”
#8
this great book i’ve been reading
that i keep forgetting the author’s name
but he had a big moustache
and i think virginia woolf hated him
#9
a video of some strange
seemingly unlicensed
pro wrestling game
great muta
no idea what is going on here
this one’s unlike me
#10
Charles Lamb ‘Dream Children: A Reverie’
herewith reproduced,
as it does not matter:
“Children love to listen to stories about their elders, when they were children; to stretch their imagination to the conception of a traditionary great-uncle or grandame, whom they never saw. It was in this spirit that my little ones crept about me the other evening to hear about their great-grandmother Field, who lived in a great house in Norfolk (a hundred times bigger than that in which they and papa lived) which had been the scene—so at least it was generally believed in that part of the country—of the tragic incidents which they had lately become familiar with from the ballad of the Children in the Wood. Certain it is that the whole story of the children and their cruel uncle was to be seen fairly carved out in wood upon the chimney-piece of the great hall, the whole story down to the Robin Redbreasts, till a foolish rich person pulled it down to set up a marble one of modern invention in its stead, with no story upon it. Here Alice put out one of her dear mother’s looks, too tender to be called upbraiding. Then I went on to say, how religious and how good their great-grandmother Field was, how beloved and respected by everybody, though she was not indeed the mistress of this great house, but had only the charge of it (and yet in some respects she might be said to be the mistress of it too) committed to her by the owner, who preferred living in a newer and more fashionable mansion which he had purchased somewhere in the adjoining county; but still she lived in it in a manner as if it had been her own, and—”
oh nevermind.
#11:
Books by Saki (sorted by popularity)
#12
‘The Open Window’
“The doctors agree in ordering me complete rest, an absence of mental excitement, and avoidance of anything in the nature of violent physical exercise,” announced Framton, who laboured under the tolerably widespread delusion that total strangers and chance acquaintances are hungry for the least detail of one’s ailments and infirmities, their cause and cure. “On the matter of diet they are not so much in agreement,” he continued.
#13
Lord_of_Misrule
#14
Eunuch_flute
#15
Pulcinella
#16
Atellan_Farce
#17
Ritual_(Pinner_novel)
#18
pdf of ‘Golden Bough’ i’ve tried to read a dozen times
#19
Ingrid_Pitt
#20
Lambton_Worm
#21
Sol_Invictus
#22
“The doctors agree in ordering me complete rest, an absence of mental excitement, and avoidance of anything in the nature of violent physical exercise,” announced Framton, who laboured under the tolerably widespread delusion that total strangers and chance acquaintances are hungry for the least detail of one’s ailments and infirmities, their cause and cure."
sometimes TV is repeats
#23
text of ‘mouche’ by guy de maupassant
herewith unfurnished
#24
lizard and palm tree?
#25
this used to be cinefamily
and now some T-shirt people own it
i haven’t been yet
to the new one
#26
labtekwon “unh hunh”
#27
“Slammers Cafe” menu (not like me)
#28
Firehouse Crew - World Jam Riddim
#29
a rarity
#30
Uhnnn Huhnnn
from The Ghetto Dai Lai Lama (version 777) by Labtekwon
#31
a googling:
“cooking quail for dogs”
#32
cancer ramblings i keep meaning to
#33
the best website i have found in a long time
i’m sorry
i’m not giving this one up
#34
xenopigpen
#35
beckett mirlitonnades
#36
But what do those people mean who say: "I read such and such an author for the beauty of his style alone"? Personally, I do not clearly know what they mean (and I have never been able to get them to explain), unless they mean that they read for the beauty of sound alone. When you read a book there are only three things of which you may be conscious: (1) The significance of the words, which is inseparably bound up with the thought. (2) The look of the printed words on the page—I do not suppose that anybody reads any author for the visual [pg 53] beauty of the words on the page. (3) The sound of the words, either actually uttered or imagined by the brain to be uttered. Now it is indubitable that words differ in beauty of sound. To my mind one of the most beautiful words in the English language is "pavement." Enunciate it, study its sound, and see what you think. It is also indubitable that certain combinations of words have a more beautiful sound than certain other combinations.
#37
scugnizzo
#38
big x boxes where the alleged album artwork is not
what’s going on here
#39
some drawing of a creature with a dick-nose
jerking its dick-nose off,
spurting
strange eyebrows
light musculature
underarm hair
two sets of breasts,
a sort of half-vaginated navel
three dicks evenly - set
each in fountain,
a ballsack of sorts is to the creature’s right
what appears “simply” to be a field of hair to its left
pumps, mid-heel (2.5” probably if we are to assume
that this creature is to human-scale
which may be problematic
or preposterous)
otherwise unclothed
difficult to tell if jumping or squatting
as there is no background
#40
thing samantha sent me about ghislaine
and the horse murders
#41
had seen what MC Paul Barman is up to
haven’t really gotten into it yet
#42
some garbage article from LA Weekly
i was senselessly hate-reading nothing-trash
from 2012
least said is best
#43
41 c’tued
#44
41 c’tued
#45
some guy’s thoughts about david lynch
#46
‘Bluest Eye’ book-banning
#47
46 c’tued
#48
“marinism meaning”
#49
Marinism
#50
Giambattista_Marino (this freaked me out for
reasons that will be obvious
if you keep scrolling (and scrolling)
why had that name come to me?
i was unfamiliar
this was novel
i embrace the apophenia and live worshipfully for it
god appeared to me as a healing rainbow in a single cloud
just two days ago
if i want god to’ve
CENTER HEAD IS HERE
do you understand?
#51
finding out about “Jay McInerney” (horse murders)
imagine Becoming Rielle
lord
#52
lazily and pointlessly reminding myself of some shit
about Bret Easton Ellis
#53
Tama Jamawitz double-bass kick drum FASTEST EVER compilation
“literary brat pack”
JILL EISENSTADT
#54
this is where it started with mel lyman
this went a lot of ways
golly imagine if mel’d met with arthur
#55
A_Movie
#56
Take_the_5:10_to_Dreamland
#57
This video isn’t available anymore
(ominous)
#58
Cosmic_Ray_(film)
#59
Mark_Frechette
#60
Daria_Halprin
#61
Avatar_(newspaper)
mel as well
“avatar@” was my first e-mail address
in the oldenest of days
the local ISP days
i think i was 12
that james cameron fur-slither VR film
wasn’t a glimmer in no one’s eyes yet
think i’d gotten to the concept from a Christopher Pike novel
probably tugging off to some new age vampire pulp
#62
Mel Lyman, Avatar, Fort Hill Community video compilation
#63
found someone i thought seemed interesting in 62
they live in LA now
not gonna say who
found their faculty website
found a recording of them playing haunting music
bass viol
big wooden reverb
i want to meet this person
#64
david silver
boston public television
1960s
yes
#65
David_Frost
#66
two sour assholes and two brilliant and beautiful boys
#67
GIS investigation of mel lyman physiognomy and morphology
#68
64 c’tued
#69
Fred_Barzyk
#70
69 c’tued ("yes please," tedious)
#70
washed out looking copy of ‘Lathe of Heaven’ 1980
#71
David_Loxton
(lotta Davids)
#72
Between_Time_and_Timbuktu
#73
Screening Room with Ed Emschwiller
#74
The Films Of Scott Bartlett Vol II: The Future Of Human Mythology
(not sure about this one yet)
#75
Painters_Painting
#76
alvyray@gmail.com
If for some reason this doesn't work, the address is
alvyray at gmail dot com
To use this address, replace " at " with "@" and
replace " dot " with “.”
#77
69 c’tued (“77” is a “double heaven numb#r,
if you think about it,
69 is over
let’s do a seven-and-seven)
#78
by god it’s 69’c’tued again
i’m really trying to find out about fred
(talk to melahn re: “i’m too sexy” idea)
#79
not giving this one away
#80
79 c’tued (the unfriendly 69)
#81
same
#82
same
#83
same
#84
same and probably the one i’d least give up
waterbort me bb
#85
same!
#86
same,
#87
the complete publication history of grove press
too bad about the union busting
[skip a floor]
#89
69 c’tued (endless stamina)
#90
Signals_Through_the_Flames
#91
“The color of one's creed, neckties, eyes, thoughts, manners, speech, is sure to meet somewhere in time of space with a fatal objection from a mob that hates that particular tone. And the more brilliant, the more unusual the man, the nearer he is to the stake. Stranger always rhymes with danger. The meek prophet, the enchanter in his cave, the indignant artist, the nonconforming little schoolboy, all share in the same sacred danger. And this being so, let us bless them, let us bless the freak; for in the natural evolution of things, the ape would perhaps never have become man had not a freak appeared in the family.”
window 2 (which is window one)
not that you give a fuck on the run
#1
some ugly thing i don’t understand
#2
freddie deboer,
catharsis agent
#3
“Three-dimensional human beings can’t thrive in a one-dimensional space” i don’t know what this is yet
#4
2 x 2
#5
a spirited commenter's comments and commentary (S.H.B.)
#6
something about Jia Tolentino
#7
a tedious argument (observed)
#8
Levator Smash - Neck Edition
#9
notification drip feed hell
#10
alternate instance x_x
#11
5 c’tued
#12
sculpture of anubis in a tomb
#13
GIS “lykoi”
#14
a pair of expensive espadrilles
they’re nice but honestly not sure why this is up
i’m not a buyer
think i’d been looking at something else this company makes
of which i’d like to be a buyer
but am not
the juice:
red geometric pattern over a white ground
jute sole
look great with white shorts
& a gauzy marine blue pullover
strolling laguna
perhaps with an elderly benefactor
these are the trials
a looker
looking
it’s a planet of war and of games
take either part in a lunatic’s way
it will work well — for a while
two, three rounds,
turns,
whatever the churn —
the old hands will think you don’t know what you’re doing,
that you’re the mark,
crazy,
stupid, or rrRich —
mysterion, loss-ambivalent,
gambling in glitch
if
you can deliver the deathblow in one (1)
queer grace lunacy serve you
hard-charging juramentado
black widow stick-up kid
gimme the loot or blood is shed
shield me from law
shield me from harm
call off the dogs call off the dogs
whack another dim try at scrib-scrying
scrubglass blue devilist
maudite mechanistic
ice-eyed parasite
bari sax on a patio tap-a-toe
parasol squared off pitiful zapatos
imperial brass
zip-away mouth
the body bagged
the toe tagged
and the tail skinked off
to wander and wag
distraction on distraction
what can you keep to keep from keeping?
what, exactly?
too much eye contact,
or too little,
maybe both, oscillating
struggling to extract meaning from a moving image
again —
two, three
four
competing projectionists
laser light
ginger & lime in a lesser light
la - pel thrown aggressors’ might
deep inhale of the Sphinx’s spite
slave-hewn world
prior drag
Aldous buzzbomb
Albion slab —
cleanse prescription drawers
G O A H E A D
sack the Sackler store
G O A H E A D
creep the cookie jar
G O A H E A D
grand-ma can get more more more
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQSTUVWYZ
purloined letters fur-lined leathers
kittiheat postage
scratching post pleasures
and you think to yourself:
you’ve used that one before
think:
you’ve become pastiche,
are pastiche,
crusted blotch on silken sheets
splash of splotch on cotton batiste
past-your-sell-by,
fly-circled lapsed hellion
criminal slump
(become bastiche, are bastiche)
GIAMBATTISTA can you bring me
my espresso, please —
yes, the tiny little one
that i will spill everywhere
displacing more volume than the cup,
the little cup —
what’s the word for it?
Giambattista? GIAMBATTISTA?
what do you call a little cup,
when you are in Italy?
a cupola? no, that’s Architecture
or boobie-brassiere (dobleve) low-mind
no-mind coupla hooter-honk— GIAMBATTISTA WHERE THE
FUCK IS MY E S P R esso ?
and then
the voice lowers, expansive:
i’ll try to respect you
&
your time
if & only
you promise to do the same
a woman appears in the wood knots
neck impossibly long
cheeks taut flanking narrow flute nose
shortly bobbed and lushly lashed
wise brows, mouth drawn
she possesses secret knowledge
you can tell her voice before she speaks
if she should speak
controlled and measured
she would saunter
palms down
beads and jewels dangling
WE ARE BOTH OUT OF TIME IN OUR WAY
her decor would be impeccable
is impeccable
(surely we are not alone)
(temple in exclusion zone)
what’s temporary often settles in
(as the patriot acts on behalf of his kin)
her eyes are wide open now
previously low-lidded
the new mania is extravagant
as would be expected
as should be exceeded
the dream conceit smolders
aubergine mascara
is this the foggy summoning of yesterday’s agave?
the bust: answerless
aubrey beardsley him- er ? - them, selves
may well have given age to this fence,
the traces of beyond in background trails﹊﹎﹊﹎﹊﹎﹊﹎﹊﹎﹊﹎﹊﹎﹊﹎﹊﹎﹊﹎﹊﹎
going
she can only exist in the nighttime and yet it is day
she can only exist in the nighttime and yet it is day
she can only exist in the nighttime and yet it is day
she can only exist in the nighttime and yet it is day
two years’ time, uglily gouged;
rejected from hell, void of heaven,
each day’s waking unwanted delivery
from some unremarkable suicide
the constant intrusion of helicopters hovering harassing
aircraft stared-after shoulders stiffening
bad body buzz afterburnt studded turquoise work
rotor rumble [INITIATE QUAD]
looking in over your shoulder now love
an alert pierces:
GROUP OF 8 MEN FIGHTING AT 4451 DESGRACIA
o fuck — just up the way
a survivor series match
knockheed opportune
dare i tempt a run-in ?
is my music Q'd ?
Perseus Impetuous:
pURRRRRRRVimp
chop ped & screwed
in my divinity am I/I am
the Scourge of Princes
and its Inversion as easily,
tat twam breezily,
the parodic aristocrat parading town with a fond new beheading,
singing to keep from sinking
shallow chests and narrow ways do keep pace raggedly
shredded scenery embedded in fangs and filed dagg'rly
haggard gasps for relevance Richards rude and dastardly
wackaly,
pricks who for kicks take their licks from the Tootsie Pop tits of a
[BLOWN SCENE]
deleted frame
kiddigame hi-school
gratuitous self-aware editing
corn subsidies
canned calamity
having come in peace & pulled out soon,
slinging silver-eyed sullen apples of the moon
clanging prison-hall tapping tuneless in the tomb,
augur of dogg'rel drencht in daylit doome.
O'Dubhain,
Ragnar and the Remnant
char-choked Kolkata soot
"I'll do what the fuck I please!",
BELLOWING,
"I'm the King of Jail!" spit raining down,
half prowres, half rap outro
roar ALL ( - :
riding out the beat & beating on the ride
trainfloor thumprel beggerman kneeslide
but that's another world,
slinking G Manhattan matter mindstater
that is another world and another matter
Gone West, (see you later)
now,
to the new mind eater
every day a solar yawn
tea-bag party's sacked the pawn,
well-worn wish for never-born whines on, on, on, on, on
to urn indifferent sun
"every day is different, son,"
"when you're a distinguished gentleman."
BUT!that's a hefty bar to clear
cracked jumbled jetset carolier
in chagrin i begin't faill short of fear
industrial forest Cleav'd and Shear'd
so so so
what is left? what is left?
"We could very well solve our way out of a job,"
nervously, nervously, nervously.